Baby Einstein

What would would all the great thinkers of our time look like before they got to where we always see them in history books? I'm thinking like Nietzsche, Freud, Lewis, Tolkien, Descartes, Aristotle and others like them. But of course they need to be transposed into a medium we can all understand; that's right, high school.

Wow

How about that, it's like Muse, Red Jumpsuit, Ludo, and a little Beatles. Never seen a band like them that sounds so much like other music I listen to but still remain autonomous to their own style. Who are they? They are House of Heroes. New CD=The End Is Not The End. Buy it, find it, but just listen to this band. 

Lecrae "Will You Take Me as I Am"

Great song that I have tried to take to heart. It's a great one to counter hypocrisy and those who never feel they're good enough for parents, friends, or even less towards their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

Link to the song

Its 5:46 in the morning; tossin and turnin; chest burnin; sermons in my head keep reoccurring; havin visions in my head of a kid cryin at the feet of the father for all the wrong things that he did; now im sweatin in my sheets, cant sleep; my mind keeps
tellin me im 6 feet deep; dont remind me; even though im still alive i cant tell; the way im livin my life i feel im goin to hell; god, they tellin me i should except you; that you had to leave the world cause the world left you; reason i cant change; li
ke a mystery to me; so i make-believe there really is a heaven for a g; even though they say you loved the world so much you shed your blood; god, i feel im too messed up for love; they tell me come as i am; but i smell like smoke; my whole life is full
of sin cause its all i know; the bible told me you died for my sins; if i believe in Christ to save me from the end; but im scared to ask you to save me; my heart so weable; ive got thoughts just full of hatred; hurt from people; i thought that first i h
ad to clean up my light; now im here and i just gotta clean to the light; im ready to do it but, i pray you understand; my life is a mess, will you take me as i am

Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wrong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me.Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wr
ong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me.

im still tryin to be the man my daddy ever taught me to be; im grown up now, life aint what i thought it would be; i made many mistakes in my past i cant fix; now im starin at this crucifix, tainted on my wrist; is it true what they tellin me am i just c
razy; did you bleed on the cross for my sins to save me; but why would you die for me; my whole life ive been workin for Satan while he fed lies to me; and now im hearin too much; tryin to get in true touch; about a love that can change me; im all screwe
d up; figured hell is what i deserve; but ur word says we all fall shook; so i guess we all owe a bird; teach me i want to learn; how you can save a wretch like me before death sends its last turn; i think i finally understand; no matter my past you'll s
till take me as i am.

Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wrong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me.Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wr
ong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me. Will you take me as i am.

i had a few last words to give; ive been tellin people the reason to live, the reason to die; united with the king of the sky; this life is passin us by, ive got no reason to lie; you'll never give the world enough; they'll hunger for more; there fixin t
here ways of nothin to settle the score; more security than the man who left you; or more love than the mommas who kept you; he'll always except you; be everything your supposed to; let christ rule your heart mind body and soul because he chose you; and 
if the world dont know you; it dont matter, your god's child and he'll never disown you; your purpose on earth is far from worthless; thats why you glorify like your lifes been purchased; and it dont matter if the world dont see us; we still mean the wor
ld to jesus.

Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wrong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me.Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wr
ong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me. Will you take me as i am. 

Compensation

It's an ugly word. We all do it. I could be done right there because honestly, it's something we all tend to resort to when under stress or pressure, internally or externally. However, what I want to know is "how," because there are a million ways in which we try to come to terms with our own insufficiencies. 

A way I've been recently exposed to is a display of bravado. This is one where it's out in the open for everyone to see and is a direct attack on that which is perceived as a threat to one's own self-worth. These kinds of external moves to redirect blame or embarassment is often called out by others as "trying too hard" or "he's obviously compensating for something" and in a way this takes just a negative connotation. What I propose is for us to come alongside someone who's trying to work through some insecurities of their own whether or not we feel they'd do the same for us. But I digress. 

In the same vein is this attack on something external but is not directed at the threat itself by trying to show off but as an actual cutting down of those who may feel even lower. Now, this may not be someone who's actually feels lower than the other person but may be having an off day and just look like crap and act the same way. This is a more difficult situation to me because often I'm distracted by the aggressors compensation because I feel pity for the person being attacked. Sometimes, I feel as if we should be compelled to come as fellow brothers and sisters to this attacking individual and try to come to terms to what they're dealing with in their life. For me this takes a lot of trust and a solid relationship because rarely do I even open myself to just this sort of correction. This whole thing takes on that saying I'm sure our mothers have told us, "he's just jealous, honey, he's just jealous." And in that your mom makes you feel worse because you couldn't have achieved this by yourself. But once again, I digress. 

The last form of compensating I'm more or less familiar with because this is just such one that I've been known to partake in is completely separating yourself from outside influences because it's simply easier. To me this is one of the easiest to relate to as an outside observer but it can often go on unnoticed for quite a while. Now obviously, an extreme extrovert who suddenly turns into mopey Mervin is going to be easy to spot but subtely, you can draw yourself back and feel on a defense that to me can sometimes turn into an unhealthy situation. For me, this is often something where I'm dealing with an issue in my life on my own and am not willing to let others see it or even try to help me with it if they do catch on that I'm hurting. It can take place in many different ways for different people, I'm just trying to see how it happens and what we can do to fix it.

Now, what am I going to do with this post? I mean, this is a great observation but if it's not going to be applied to any sort of change in my own life, what's the point? Well, my personal encouragement for me and my readers is to do the exact opposite of what I've just wrote. For instance, someone who's cutting down should be looked at from where they are in they're own heart and those who may be going through a time where they are uncomfortable in the community should be brought alongside and given just he helping hand they may not be willing to ask for. I've been told the best sermon is the one the preacher gives to himself and that's exactly what I'm trying to do here. Here I am preaching about compensation but what I'm looking for is that I may incorporate just these changes into my own life and how I interact with those around me.

Failure is an Ugly Thing to Waste

Well, I never thought I would have to do this for this blog, but in hindsight I should have seen it coming. My life can almost be defined from apology to apology; from learned experience to learned experience. However, what happens now is the hardest part in my opinion, and that is where I have to man up and come to terms with my faults and where I go wrong.

This blog was meant to be a place where I could just muse on life and share it in a slightly more open place than a journal. So yeah, that's effectively what this is, a journal of what I think and feel. However, it took on a connotation with something I never wanted it to and that is a burn book. For those not associated with the movie Mean Girls, this would be a place for people to raz on everyone around them to make themselves feel some twisted form of accomplishment. In my recent post, I did just this. I took out my frustrations and anger on an individual I have failed to understand or come to terms with and slandered his name as a fellow man created in God's image. I was wrong and I will deal with the consequences of these actions. 

Once again, I have taken it to heart that I must reserve all that I think and write to this blog to encompass to the cares of all of you, my readers and those whom they care about. If anyone sees me as less of a person because of this, I would not fault you for I am prepared to receive just a reaction as that. Do I have an answer for you? No. There is no answer or logical syllogism that will repair my name as a writer and a man of God. I can only hope that in the future, you may see me as I am, a broken man who has failed to live up to the expectations of those around me.

More music, attributed to Clayton

Imeem playlist with their music

The Wedding

Very solid band with an awesome ability to cross a lot of genres. Really enjoyed all of it. I've yet to give my thanks to Clayton for his recommendation. 

**** out of 5

Reality vs. Hubris (A Post on Personal Musings)

I'm reminded of Dizzy Dean, the famous Cardinals hurler in the 30s, who said, "It's not bragging if it's true." But as much as I feel the need to throw this quote in the faces of everyone who feels that bragging is wrong, I feel it's all a matter of timing. For instance, going back and forth with your buddies makes sense, expecially in response to another's challenge. However, where it all falls apart from what I've seen is this need I've somehow seen to just bring it up in random conversation. Well, maybe that's just about me feeling the need to compensate for some self-imposed inadequacy. Oh well, life goes on. I figure I'll just let what I do well speak for itself. 

New Music (or I feel like I'm churning these posts out like crazy)

CD Preview

I must say I was always of the opinion that The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus was just like any rock band, and they are. Perhaps you were expecting me to change my opinion by TRJA taking a different road in their new CD, Lonely Road, to reinvent themselves as a band. However, that is not the case. The case is that they just perfected that which caught my ear from the beginning. They are always about having semi-catchy tunes to punkish instrumentals. What I'm happy about is that they've put much more stock in the vocals of their frontman, Ronnie Winter. He takes on a lot more challenging series of vocal parts and thus I give him a bunch of credit. 

One last note, I really liked the picture painted by the last song, Godspeed. It reminds me of Sam's considerations of the Haradrim soldier killed in front of him who falls from an oliphaunt. The whole issue of war and the difference in allegiances is a great ending to a solid CD. Pick it up if you have liked even one single of their music, or if you haven't heard them before, check them out and I'm sure you will like them.

Overall rating: **** out of 5

Song Highlights: Represent, Believe, Lonely Road, and Godspeed

<-----Video

This is pretty much what I'm thinking about a lot recently cuz I'm into this thing called boffer club at MU. It's pretty awesome because I get to fight finally. And the guy in this video is really good at it.

Food for Thought, And Drugs to Help

Barry Bonds' IQ is 120, do you think you can beat it? Click Here

         With all these arguments about steroids, it got me thinking; there are drugs that can make you better at school, right? There are enough drugs, over the counter and not, that can help you focus and "perform" better at school. I for one, take a form of Ritalin because it helps a lot in my ability to consciously focus both during homework and out in my community. I can't even count the number of times I've felt the need to just blurt out what was on my mind but felt it much easier to control myself during a time when I was on my meds. However, as it goes for all good things, there exists this need to abuse or at least misuse them. Many stories have been passed around talking about kids getting ADD/ADHD medicine to get that "extra edge" before they study or go in for a test. I've even been asked to sell some of mine to individuals who wanted to be able to either focus better or just get higher grades on a test. 

         So I ask you, my readers, should there be drug testing before kids take the SAT or ACT? If we're talking about unfair advantages, then we certainly should seriously consider implementing this. Honestly, thousands of dollars and the futures of millions of kids' lives are at stake here. Can we truly risk consciously allowing jacked up scores or skewed curves for the entire country? We already have in place ways of allowing those who are allowed certain priviliges based on disabilities (none of which I've appealed to, by the way, as I've never felt the need or desire to be accommodated any differently than my other colleagues in an academic realm), however, are we prepared to come to terms with the fact that there are means, and means used by kids who aren't sometimes old enough to drive,  for a student to get an unfair advantage over their peers of similar ability or work ethic? 

        Finally, and herein lies my final point, what are we telling our next generation if we don't respond appropriately to this issue? If we are not content to let our athletes, those who are paid to play a game, buy and sell what are seen by some to be beneficial drugs; what can we be showing to our children other than applied hypocrisy by looking the other way?

Because Life Needs Balance

I feel compelled to balance my posts with intellectual versus personal (see Musings on Rockferry to see a failed experiment to balance both of them in one post). Well, here's the personal cuz I've been feeling the both today. 

Well, suffice to say, I'm content today. I'm not sure if it's all about being content, but at least I'm not worried about anything so yeah, content makes sense to describe how I'm doing. It's not so much about not having a care in the world and all that business, but more an "I can do this" sort of feel. Half of it may be that I have dropped some of the issues that were holding me up, but the other may be just a feel like I'm not all alone in all this. Well, here's to anyone who's feeling the same as I, and my regrets to those who's living in Squalor (and yes, that is a Music History and Appreciation joke).

Why Lewis Gets It Right, And Why I Come Off Sounding Pretentious

"...Christianity simply does not make sense until you have faced the sort of facts that I have been describing. Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness. It therefore has nothing (as far as I know) to say to people who do not know they have done anything to repent of and who do not feel that they need forgiveness. It is after you have realized that there is a real Moral Law, and a Power behind the law, and that you have broken the law and put yourself wrogn with that Power--it is after all this, and not a moment sooner, that Christianity begins to talk. When you know you are sick, you will listen to the doctor. When you have realised that our position is nearly desperate you will begin to understand what the Christians are talking about. "

-Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis

The problem here is when I assume that everyone I interact with feel the same brokenness I feel, the same inability to do right in a world steeped in wrong. I'm a sarcastic soul, joking is my pasttime. When I see comical situations, I make light of them, even if it's not seen in the same light by those around me. Here is my problem, I see wrong as wrong and good as good, no matter the intentions behind them. From my own point of view, someone feeling good for their wrongs and feeling bad for their good causes me much scratching of the head. 

Here is where I don't relate well to people I've tended to interact with. I also am one to show my faith/beliefs on my sleeve and defend or attack appropriately. From my point of view, I'm just trying to keep people honest to the inconsistencies of life. However, what I see to be the problem is when I fail to understand someone's situation from their point of view. Shitake mushrooms, I'm sorry peeps.