The Love for God

I envy them their public love. I myself have only known it in secret, shared it in secret and longed, aw longed to show it- to be able to say out loud what they have no need to say at all: That I have loved only you, surrendered my whole self reckless to you and nobody else. That I want you to love me back and show it to me. That I love the way you hold me, how close you let me be to you. I like your fingers on and on, lifting, turning. I have watched your face for a long time now, and missed your eyes when you went away from me. Talking to you and hearing you answer- that's the kick.

But I can't say that aloud; I can't tell anyone that I have been waiting for this all my life and that being chosen to wait is the reason I can. If I were able I'd say it. Say make me, remake me. You are free to do it and I am free to let you because look, look. Look where your hands are. Now.

-from Jazz by Toni Morrison

When reading this and considering writing on it because it meant a bit to me, I figured there were two ways to really take this. I can either take a more personal/online journal approach and appeal to the great parts of this quote that I would have of my own love life but another side of me wants to make evidence of the love of Christ and how I have failed more in this regard, because I honestly have. In more ways then I care to literally relate specifically (something only God truly deserves in my opinion), I have taken the great name of my Father and strewn in through the mud. 

I mean, look at what Morrison's presenting here: a love that was once in secret, built on the little intricacies of a feeling turned into words and actions. But in the end, it's coming to fruition takes place in a very public sense. We as Christians are to be known by our love but how are they to see it if not through a public iteration of the feeling we have for our Lord and Savior? Now, I'm not arguing for works or public professions to be part of what brings about our salvation, but if we are truly saved, are we not to be living out a life that makes evidence to God? Morrison says, "But I can't say that aloud; I can't tell anyone that I have been waiting for this all my life and that being chosen to wait is the reason I can. If I were able I'd say it. Say make me, remake me. You are free to do it and I am free to let you because look, look. Look where your hands are. Now." Now how is that not something we should seek to have from our Savior? Perhaps this is part of how I've felt so long with God, this hesitancy, that makes this quote more real for me. Either way, I've gotta feel that this should be part of a Christian's very personal relationship with Christ.