God is awesome, just wanted to put out that APB if any doubters were out there. For those close to me, it has been hard for me recently because I've simply felt pretty down on myself because of my failure to maintain a solid relationship with a girl. And I know that it's dumb, but I felt empty when there wasn't this other individual that I could feel a bond with. And there were so many reasons why, that I just couldn't see why God was holding this away from me. One wouldn't be interested in me, another I only liked as a friend and knew that it wouldn't last, and another woulbe simply be with someone else and I'm not going to be "that" guy, y'know?
Oh well, either way, I was and am tired of it. But you know what? God's timing is so above and beyond my own that I can do nothing but give it all to him. Because I've learned this in the last year that when I sacrifice any of my own persona and pride invested in what I try to accomplish, then God may do great things with it. And why not do the same with my dating relationships? It seems so obvious at this low point for me that I can't help but chuckle. Because there were so many opportunities for me that I either effed up or just let go by.
God, I'm here at this point and frustrated to no end. But you are great and exalted above all others. You are the ultimate lover and relationship-leader. You are faithful to a fault and more caring and tender than the most passionate lover could ever be or write on a page. We can only grasp blindly at and come so short of how You held your bride to your breast and never let her go. I've been broken down and humbled to the breaking point where I was ready to explode and destroy any possibility of hope. But you are faithful to forgive and raise up your servants when they sit in the desert place bereft of love and peace. Why was I so easily able to just take my relationship with you for granted and push it away? Well, it didn't work out well as you must have known for now I sit here like Jonah after the weed withered away in my own filth and feel silly for it all.
Lord, I've failed in all regards. I've taken girls for granted and slandered the names of those I cared for by engaging in all sorts of porn and what not that I didn't deserve their care from the beginning. I give it all to you and reside in your care for the time being. Hold onto my heart and let not a girl take it away as if it were something for sale or barter so easily as I would be taken for her at the first moment. "Love at first sight" will not be in my vocabulary. God, I'm yours wholly and fully. Do what you will and give me the peace you promise to all those that call your name. Amen.
2 comments:
I used to verbally acknowledge that Christ was enough to bring contentment in my life . . . but I would live with a certain emptiness and longing that I secretly thought only a woman could fulfill. After two years of arguing and a few broken hearts, God firmly and gracefully made me aware of my folly and rescued me from despair.
We are a lot alike my friend. Your reflections indicate wisdom I wish I had going into my sophomore year.
Jesus: Warrior, Lover, Savior, King
Stick close to Him and you shall not want. His promise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1gyidEoeV0 i like this version better. Brilliant song, i can't say how many times i've listened to it.
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