Baby Einstein

What would would all the great thinkers of our time look like before they got to where we always see them in history books? I'm thinking like Nietzsche, Freud, Lewis, Tolkien, Descartes, Aristotle and others like them. But of course they need to be transposed into a medium we can all understand; that's right, high school.

Wow

How about that, it's like Muse, Red Jumpsuit, Ludo, and a little Beatles. Never seen a band like them that sounds so much like other music I listen to but still remain autonomous to their own style. Who are they? They are House of Heroes. New CD=The End Is Not The End. Buy it, find it, but just listen to this band. 

Lecrae "Will You Take Me as I Am"

Great song that I have tried to take to heart. It's a great one to counter hypocrisy and those who never feel they're good enough for parents, friends, or even less towards their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

Link to the song

Its 5:46 in the morning; tossin and turnin; chest burnin; sermons in my head keep reoccurring; havin visions in my head of a kid cryin at the feet of the father for all the wrong things that he did; now im sweatin in my sheets, cant sleep; my mind keeps
tellin me im 6 feet deep; dont remind me; even though im still alive i cant tell; the way im livin my life i feel im goin to hell; god, they tellin me i should except you; that you had to leave the world cause the world left you; reason i cant change; li
ke a mystery to me; so i make-believe there really is a heaven for a g; even though they say you loved the world so much you shed your blood; god, i feel im too messed up for love; they tell me come as i am; but i smell like smoke; my whole life is full
of sin cause its all i know; the bible told me you died for my sins; if i believe in Christ to save me from the end; but im scared to ask you to save me; my heart so weable; ive got thoughts just full of hatred; hurt from people; i thought that first i h
ad to clean up my light; now im here and i just gotta clean to the light; im ready to do it but, i pray you understand; my life is a mess, will you take me as i am

Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wrong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me.Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wr
ong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me.

im still tryin to be the man my daddy ever taught me to be; im grown up now, life aint what i thought it would be; i made many mistakes in my past i cant fix; now im starin at this crucifix, tainted on my wrist; is it true what they tellin me am i just c
razy; did you bleed on the cross for my sins to save me; but why would you die for me; my whole life ive been workin for Satan while he fed lies to me; and now im hearin too much; tryin to get in true touch; about a love that can change me; im all screwe
d up; figured hell is what i deserve; but ur word says we all fall shook; so i guess we all owe a bird; teach me i want to learn; how you can save a wretch like me before death sends its last turn; i think i finally understand; no matter my past you'll s
till take me as i am.

Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wrong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me.Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wr
ong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me. Will you take me as i am.

i had a few last words to give; ive been tellin people the reason to live, the reason to die; united with the king of the sky; this life is passin us by, ive got no reason to lie; you'll never give the world enough; they'll hunger for more; there fixin t
here ways of nothin to settle the score; more security than the man who left you; or more love than the mommas who kept you; he'll always except you; be everything your supposed to; let christ rule your heart mind body and soul because he chose you; and 
if the world dont know you; it dont matter, your god's child and he'll never disown you; your purpose on earth is far from worthless; thats why you glorify like your lifes been purchased; and it dont matter if the world dont see us; we still mean the wor
ld to jesus.

Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wrong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me.Will you take me as i am; i know the way im livin is wr
ong, but i cant change on my own tryin to make it alone; i wonder, how could u love me with my life so ugly; when you came down and died for me. Will you take me as i am. 

Compensation

It's an ugly word. We all do it. I could be done right there because honestly, it's something we all tend to resort to when under stress or pressure, internally or externally. However, what I want to know is "how," because there are a million ways in which we try to come to terms with our own insufficiencies. 

A way I've been recently exposed to is a display of bravado. This is one where it's out in the open for everyone to see and is a direct attack on that which is perceived as a threat to one's own self-worth. These kinds of external moves to redirect blame or embarassment is often called out by others as "trying too hard" or "he's obviously compensating for something" and in a way this takes just a negative connotation. What I propose is for us to come alongside someone who's trying to work through some insecurities of their own whether or not we feel they'd do the same for us. But I digress. 

In the same vein is this attack on something external but is not directed at the threat itself by trying to show off but as an actual cutting down of those who may feel even lower. Now, this may not be someone who's actually feels lower than the other person but may be having an off day and just look like crap and act the same way. This is a more difficult situation to me because often I'm distracted by the aggressors compensation because I feel pity for the person being attacked. Sometimes, I feel as if we should be compelled to come as fellow brothers and sisters to this attacking individual and try to come to terms to what they're dealing with in their life. For me this takes a lot of trust and a solid relationship because rarely do I even open myself to just this sort of correction. This whole thing takes on that saying I'm sure our mothers have told us, "he's just jealous, honey, he's just jealous." And in that your mom makes you feel worse because you couldn't have achieved this by yourself. But once again, I digress. 

The last form of compensating I'm more or less familiar with because this is just such one that I've been known to partake in is completely separating yourself from outside influences because it's simply easier. To me this is one of the easiest to relate to as an outside observer but it can often go on unnoticed for quite a while. Now obviously, an extreme extrovert who suddenly turns into mopey Mervin is going to be easy to spot but subtely, you can draw yourself back and feel on a defense that to me can sometimes turn into an unhealthy situation. For me, this is often something where I'm dealing with an issue in my life on my own and am not willing to let others see it or even try to help me with it if they do catch on that I'm hurting. It can take place in many different ways for different people, I'm just trying to see how it happens and what we can do to fix it.

Now, what am I going to do with this post? I mean, this is a great observation but if it's not going to be applied to any sort of change in my own life, what's the point? Well, my personal encouragement for me and my readers is to do the exact opposite of what I've just wrote. For instance, someone who's cutting down should be looked at from where they are in they're own heart and those who may be going through a time where they are uncomfortable in the community should be brought alongside and given just he helping hand they may not be willing to ask for. I've been told the best sermon is the one the preacher gives to himself and that's exactly what I'm trying to do here. Here I am preaching about compensation but what I'm looking for is that I may incorporate just these changes into my own life and how I interact with those around me.

Failure is an Ugly Thing to Waste

Well, I never thought I would have to do this for this blog, but in hindsight I should have seen it coming. My life can almost be defined from apology to apology; from learned experience to learned experience. However, what happens now is the hardest part in my opinion, and that is where I have to man up and come to terms with my faults and where I go wrong.

This blog was meant to be a place where I could just muse on life and share it in a slightly more open place than a journal. So yeah, that's effectively what this is, a journal of what I think and feel. However, it took on a connotation with something I never wanted it to and that is a burn book. For those not associated with the movie Mean Girls, this would be a place for people to raz on everyone around them to make themselves feel some twisted form of accomplishment. In my recent post, I did just this. I took out my frustrations and anger on an individual I have failed to understand or come to terms with and slandered his name as a fellow man created in God's image. I was wrong and I will deal with the consequences of these actions. 

Once again, I have taken it to heart that I must reserve all that I think and write to this blog to encompass to the cares of all of you, my readers and those whom they care about. If anyone sees me as less of a person because of this, I would not fault you for I am prepared to receive just a reaction as that. Do I have an answer for you? No. There is no answer or logical syllogism that will repair my name as a writer and a man of God. I can only hope that in the future, you may see me as I am, a broken man who has failed to live up to the expectations of those around me.

More music, attributed to Clayton

Imeem playlist with their music

The Wedding

Very solid band with an awesome ability to cross a lot of genres. Really enjoyed all of it. I've yet to give my thanks to Clayton for his recommendation. 

**** out of 5

Reality vs. Hubris (A Post on Personal Musings)

I'm reminded of Dizzy Dean, the famous Cardinals hurler in the 30s, who said, "It's not bragging if it's true." But as much as I feel the need to throw this quote in the faces of everyone who feels that bragging is wrong, I feel it's all a matter of timing. For instance, going back and forth with your buddies makes sense, expecially in response to another's challenge. However, where it all falls apart from what I've seen is this need I've somehow seen to just bring it up in random conversation. Well, maybe that's just about me feeling the need to compensate for some self-imposed inadequacy. Oh well, life goes on. I figure I'll just let what I do well speak for itself.